A good story always starts at the beginning… right?

Well, this one starts 1000′s of years ago…

Picture ceremonial fires, fires meant to illuminate, to nourish spiritual growth, to burn, to purify, and sanctify the relationship between the manifest and the un-manifest or the divine.

Now skip ahead a little to the time of Buddha, and the development of yoga practices, where those elaborate, lengthy ceremonies moved inside – within the body… essentially moving the fire within… the intention is the same but the methods more practical – no fire pits needed! This is Tapas… and in yoga practice we learn that it is an essential element in change, transformation and growth. My teacher David calls it the “essential spark to mapping the world within.”

The word comes from the Sanskrit verb “tap” which means “to burn” and often it is interpreted as “fiery discipline” and it is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. As I’ve been moving through some big transitions in my life, relationships ending, changing, new ones beginning, old ones evolving… it is tapas, the element of fire, that in many ways has been my guide.

Why? Because to me, tapas is the conscious, focused, necessary commitment to face and burn off the habits that keep us from living fully. Tapas is getting on my yoga mat regularly, yes… heat is generated by the bandhas, the drishti, following the vinyasa method. But tapas also accompanies any action that we deliberately take to bring about change, and it apply’s to all of the practices of our life, our work, our parenting, and our relationships. A practice, a disciplined practice of any kind, in particular a mind/body practice is essential for developing the will needed to have tapas in your life.

From his article Agni: God of Creative Fire , David says: “Because fire is THE most important element in practice, you must work consciously with your fieriness or lack of. It can require tremendous energy to get to a place where fire presides over your practice, where tapas leads you– where action, will, effort, concentration, perseverance, care, love, and enthusiasm all lead you. These are the qualities that spark and ignite your creative fire.”

On the mat and in life, tapas relates to our ability to consistently practice with an aim to leave behind expectation, what we thought possible. This means letting it get “hot in the kitchen,” by working with a degree of intensity that challenges our own assumptions of what we were capable of: mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

(I’m sure all of the people in my life just love this about me.)

Because of course we all know there is also a downside to fire… as David says: “To be in relationship with fire is to accept risk and hence the necessity to respect its power in your practice because uncontrolled fire will burn leading to pain and injury.”

And this has everything to do with our habits, our patterns, our rules, our excuses and our default settings. Because when we are honest about it, for nearly everyone, our habits usually over-power our intentions. Tapas… fire…. letting it get “hot in the kitchen”… challenging ourselves… this is how little by little we can start to see and then change our default settings, autopilot, change our habits and patterns and live our lives more fully.

In case you don’t know her… she is a-m-a-z-i-n-g! She is a light in my life, she is a lifeline to the yoga practice I hope to someday have. She embodies sthira (steadiness) and sukha (softness, good space) to me.

And she is also a total badass — I’ll have to let you get to know her to meet that side of her.

Anyway, our last coffee date was like being in a game show where the contestants each had 60 seconds to say as much as they could until the other contestant would hit the buzzer and their 60 seconds began. Not that we were competing with each other for a prize, but we were so excited to share with each other all the “stuff” that is going on in each of our lives. My turns were mostly about the personal transition I am in right now. The ending of my marriage, and the beginning of a new life for me and with my kids… and her’s was sharing with me how she is navigating the very public transitions in the Anusara world… stuff that really effects her – actually that effects all of us.

Bottom line though is that we are both going through major transitions.

At some point she said “well Katie, this is the time for you to move slowly, be real clear about what you are doing, because it’s during the transitions when we get hurt – right? Just like the transition from one pose to the next… that’s where it happens.”

This is where we crossed the line between just having coffee with a friend to me bowing to this amazing teacher who I am so lucky, and so many of us are, to be around.

So,  I’ve been thinking about it for the past week.

Those transitions – that space in-between the poses. That space in between you and me.

Of course with ashtanga yoga we place a LOT of emphasis on those spaces — and that is the backbone of all of the “flow” yoga out there – which is why it is so popular, because it feels really good to move consciously from one thing to the next. Linking one thing to the next, coordinating it with the natural patterns of movement in the body that mirror the most basic patterns of nature: expansion and contraction. We expand and reach in a pilgrimage toward potential, toward unknown, toward learning and we contract back to our center, to the source… all in the span of one breath cycle.

Thank you Karen for bringing my attention to the importance of this “time in between” and thank you Pattabhi Jois for bringing us this vinyasa system so we can all learn to be in life’s transitions with conscious thought, mindful movement and maybe a little grace too.

Ashtanga Practice for Women During Menstruation

This is something that I get asked a lot and because I’ve always sort of rebelled against anyone telling me not to do something I’ve also rebelled against the whole idea that women can’t do something just because they are menstruating. But as usual, after my initial reaction to authority, followed by empirical investigation and experience plus a dose of mellowing with age – and even I can see some value to the practice of “ladies holiday”.

So what is it?

In accordance with yoga tradition, it is suggested women do not practice during the first three days of their menstrual cycle. Students are encouraged to take a “ladies holiday” allowing their body to rest and nurture itself during the heaviest time of the flow.

The practice of the “ladies holiday” stems from the days when women viewed their “moon cycle” as a time of rest (particularly from reproduction) and reflection (often time spent in solitude). In modern times, particularly when practicing yoga six days a week, many look forward to a few days off.

Energetically speaking, the flow of energy during menstruation is apanic (downward flowing). Therefore, the argument against performing yoga postures (especially inversions) during the menstrual cycle is that there could be a disturbance of the natural flow of energy in the body (because everything is turned upside-down).

Inversions:

There are two opinions on inversions: those who think women shouldn’t perform any inversions during their cycle and those that think it varies from woman to woman.

Those who encourage women to avoid all inversions during menstruation are mostly concerned with excessive menstrual flow due to “vascular congestion.” According to Mary P. Schatz, M.D. from an article in Yoga.com, “During inversions, the uterus is pulled toward the head by gravity, causing the broad ligaments to be stretched. This can cause stretch and partial collapse or occlusion of the thin-walled veins, while allowing the un-collapsed arteries to continue to pump in blood. Thus, more blood enters the uterus via the arteries than can be carried away by the veins. The vascular congestion that results can lead to increased menstrual bleeding.”

Another past concern was endometriosis. However, in articles concerning the subject, both Dr. Schatz and Barbara Benagh (Yoga Journal columnist) agree that earlier fears of endometriosis occurring in women performing inversions during menstruation have been fully dispelled.

There is some debate on the above idea that the uterus is pulled and the ligaments stretched during inversion. Again, each person will have her own experience of practicing during her cycle. In fact some women find that practicing yoga during menstruation helps to eliminate excess apana, alleviates cramping and heavy bleeding, and helps with lower back pain, pelvic discomfort and even mood swings.

I always recommend that each woman be responsible for making her own decisions concerning inversions during menstruation.

But most of all this aspect of the practice reminds me that yoga is a wonderful tool for getting to know your body more and more deeply. Being more in touch with the cycles of nature by observing the cycles of the moon and our own moon cycles is just one of the beautiful aspects of Ashtanga yoga….

When I read Schoeneman’s article what I hear is a woman talking about not liking her body.  I hear her judging herself, comparing herself to others (Madonna and Gwyneth)  and then I hear her try to wrap it up in a lesson about “mixing it up” doing a little yoga and also doing stairmaster or whatever.

My experience with yoga is that through developing a very close relationship with my body – I have been able to open up the door of insight into a history of perception patterns, emotional and mental patterns. And that once observed and acknowledged these patterns begin to change and things start to disappear – things like worrying about how I look… start to disappear.

And believe me I worried! I was 5 10in in 6th grade and weighed 145lbs. I had a big butt (I knew that thanks to my dad) and huge feet (size 10 EEE). It was also during this whole fitness craze with Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda, aerobics, dancersize, jazzercise — so I KNEW I was freakishly big and that I should be smaller than I was. I know for sure that by 5th grade I hated my body and would literally cry in bed about it. For a long time I had a note written by my 6 year old sister that said “Dear Katie, I don’t think you are fat, you are beautiful. ” All spelled backwards and in little kid handwriting.

So I started throwing up the food that I ate. I didn’t do the crazy crazy bulemic shit you see on the TV movies – I just rarely ate, when I did I felt good for a minute, then I’d get too full, feel guilty, I’d hate the feeling of being full because I knew I’d eaten too much so I’d throw it up and go on with my day. I became a vegetarian so I couldn’t eat the meals that my family ate and so on.

I’ll spare you too many details, but lets just say that the pattern of hating myself, over-eating and throwing up is something that I struggled with on and off through college and even while I was on the National Team for rowing. I did a little reading on eating disorders and talked to a few people about them and had sort of decided that I would probably always struggle with that feeling of hating my body – being uncomfortable in my own skin. It’s hard to describe – but if you ‘ve had it you know what I mean.

And then I started learning and practicing ashtanga yoga.

In 1998, I raced my last race in rowing and I started looking for yoga. I knew there had to be something like Ashtanga yoga out there for me and I was lucky enough to find it. I wanted to learn the philosophy, I wanted to understand the breathing, the asana’s… mainly I just wanted to practice. So diving in I went.

Years later I barely remember those deep feelings of self hatred I had for my body. Somewhere along the way I stopped judging myself, I stopped comparing my body to the other women around me – and it’s not like yoga women are big – I’m an amazon in this yoga world!  But it feels like the yoga, even in those early years when I knew almost nothing about it, was healing for me! I didn’t have to be practicing any kind of advanced series, I didn’t go to India, nothing… practicing with the intention of … just practicing, was enough.

Now… a few of the comments that I’ve read to Jason’s commentary on the article put down the notion that the road to spiritual enlightenment or (whatever you want to call it) has anything to do with the physical. To those people and also to  Schoeneman I say that sadly you’ve missed the boat – you can’t live fully in this life without having a close relationship with your body – as it is in this moment – it’s a neuromuscular certainty.

And for those of us with body image issues past or present – maybe once we get to live fully in this body of ours (through yoga or any other intentional physical activity)  we’ll experience it’s beauty – and with time we’ll be healed, and so will our sons and daughters and grandchildren too.

Thanks for reading – I’d love to hear your thoughts or feelings about this.

Love, Katie

The first line of the invocation (vande gurunam charanaravinde) is often translated to mean “I bow to the lotus feet of the guru”. A Teacher/Guru is a peson who is regarded as having great knowledge and wisdom and who has the ability to guide others. In Sanskrit Gu is your goo (darknesss, limitations, ignorance,) and Ru is teacher (light, radiance) so the person to help you remove your goo/darkness is a Guru.

Why lotus feet? What does that mean?

In some cultures touching the feet of a wise person, or bowing at the feet of a great wise leader, or teacher is a gesture of reverence and an observance of the many miles walked on those feet to gain such wisdom. The lotus is a symbol of emerging wisdom, as its pedals unfold so too does the knowledge of one’s self. So the guru’s lotus feet have the connotation of wisdom and unfolding self knowledge. It is important to also use the word Guru in a metaphorical way – it is not necessarily a person, a practice in and of itself could be a Guru – and if the knowledge of the self is within we must also realize that we are our own Guru as well.

The second line of the Ashtanga Invocation (sandarashita swatma sukhava bodhe) is describing the subject of the previous phrase (Guru) and tells us what is the role of the Guru. The first word sandarashita – is from the root “san” which, in this form means “to offer” or “give” and “darshita” which means to uncover… so sandarashita is being used to tell us what the Guru’s do, they uncover, or give us something, they are teaching us something but at the same time that which they are teaching us is already there for us to uncover.

The root of the next word svatma (pronounced sWatma or sVatma depending on the part of India you are from) is Atman. Atman is that true self of ours that we are uncovering with the help of the Guru, or the teachings of the Guru. And finally sukhavabodhe … one familiar root in that word is “sukha”, the opposite of “dukha”. Sukha is often translated as “good space” or “soft”. Bodhe comes from the Sanskrit root “bd,” which means “to know.” So we will know good space or joy.

So altogether, the second phrase describes what can be gained by following the teachings of a Guru, and the true intent of a yoga practice: the knowledge of happiness, and/or the knowledge of our truest Self.

and it goes hand-in-hand with studying with one teacher… sticking to one teacher… being a student

being a student, sticking to one teacher develops humility ~ the lack of which (sticking to one teacher, in earnest taking the seat of the student) will actually harden the body – all the layers, physical, energetic, emotional and so on. so even a person who can achieve “advanced asanas” will appear stiff or hardend in their everyday movements (if you really watch closely) their posture in life will not be flexible at all. and the advanced asanas will not be sustainable as they will lead to injury – I’m pretty sure you can count on that.

Here is a quote I read recently from on senior Ashtanga teacher:

“Part of the problem is that people with gifted bodies become teachers very quickly, not necessarily acquiring the intrinsic knowledge that is essential in a truly qualified teacher. It is easy to miss the forest for the trees as the body becomes impressively developed. Physically gifted neophytes are often more vulnerable to the ego running the program, whereas older, more experienced teachers have been humbled by time and practice.”

In Yoga Mala this is what Guruji says:

“We soon come to think of ourselves as scholars beyond compare and fall prey to lust and rage. The method for bringing the mind into focus instead and dissolving it in the Atman should be learned under the tutelage of a Guru.”

But you also need to be careful as to who you choose as your teacher – right? I’m thinking the teacher you study with must have had their own relationship with a teacher where they developed humility and integrity of movement -

in this way, over time, the two-way teacher – student relationship simultaneously develops humility and integrity of movement… now the body becomes strong and very flexible, there is a softer and more receptive life posture that can be observed in this person – lovely.

never heard that term before – but totally got it

I love the idea of knowing that someone is friend material — what a cool thing. But in order to know if someone is friend material you have to know what you need in a friendship. and here again is yoga – right? this is sort of along the same lines as knowing what we need (I brought it up in “excuses”)… what makes somebody friend material? do you actually make a conscious choice of who you develop a friendship with? YES!!!

Knowing what you need hinges on the ability to recognize what is happening in the present moment and not attaching meanings to that present moment experience. Meanings that are conditionings of our past (samskara). I think that too often during our lives we become very good at not getting what we need, and instead making due with what we get. We do it in relationships all the time… we tamp down our emotions without ever getting to the bottom of them…it becomes a pattern and then before we know it we have no idea what we need. My teacher David Garrigues just wrote an amazing insightful article about this idea of patterns called Patterns of Change. I hope you read it.

But back to needs – you won’t know what you need unless you know how something makes you feel. For me, I think I’m exceptionally good at not letting myself feel. In my family acknowledging feelings is considered “self-indulgent” and I’m pretty sure that elite level athletics for as long as I did just made me better at not doing it. Over the years I’ve just become totally empirical in my approach to “understanding”; let’s look at the facts, the research etc… Which might be good in some situations – but ultimately probably not.

so… my practice for the next 3 months is to try to start to notice how I feel in certain situations, in a non-judgmental way, so I can’t talk myself down with useless data or an internet search – I just have to feel.

maybe you can join me?

what happened was that she emailed me and expressed her frustration that our schedule during the recent 10-day workshop was not meeting her needs. our regular schedule had to be truncated in order for the workshop to meet – and our regular mysore classes had an extra fee…

on another day, last week, or last month I would have read/heard that I disappointed her, that I failed her, that my decisions and choices were wrong, flawed and bad… etc… etc… I would have felt criticized, unliked and unappreciated – okay well maybe that’s going a little overboard – but here is what is so amazing – I didn’t!!! 

because when I read her initial email I actually read it – I heard it – correctly. her daily practice, her NEED to do her practice was being interrupted because of our workshop. that is what i read, and that is what I heard!!!

It wasn’t that I wasn’t meeting her needs, I wasn’t failing her… this is so significant because when I could actually hear what was really going on, in the present moment, I could respond appropriately by suggesting ways for her to get her needs met – gosh I hope I can do that again!

but here is what really humbled me:

when the student and I had gotten it worked out so that she would be able to get her practice in over those ten days, this is what she said:

“thank you for helping me work through this. sometimes we all too easily let our excuses become our truths – what a gift to be able to see the difference.”

I’ve been thinking about her wisdom of her words ever since. our excuses tend to be our knee-jerk reactions, a way of hiding or avoiding dealing with what it is that we really are needing. i think that a lot of us don’t think we are going to get what we need, so why bother even knowing it?

this interaction between me and this student would not have happened unless we were both on this path of yoga. we wouldn’t have met each other, we wouldn’t be on our mats every day practicing next to each other if we weren’t a part of this community. and the health and strength of this community is so amazingly depicted in the growth that we both got out of this experience.

So thank you to all of you who share this practice of yoga with me!

what goes in to opening a yoga school? like with any business there licenses, merchant accounts, EIN numbers and all that boring stuff…. but then there is the fun stuff like decided what is it going to look like, feel like in there…

when Shelley and I merged we wanted the shala to feel as welcoming and unintimidating as possible because we were so worried about people not feeling comfortable with the merge of our two studios, so we went with a more neutral zen-like quality for our colors and such…

this new space though… well I’m taking a little bit of a nervous leap that spokane is ready for the vibrancy, and the energy, the devotional feelings inspired by the colors of India… are you spokane?

also this time around friend and yoga student Kate Vanderwend is helping me. i knew that Kate was an actress but I didn’t know that she is an artist, and a color consultant for film and more… she donated her incredible voice for the Yoga People Care commercial and I was at her house admiring all the colors on her walls… one thing led to another and now she’s helping with the north shala

thank you Kate, and thank you so much spokane for supporting more yoga…